...and we can actually afford to!

Traditionally I think it's in bad taste to discuss or announce certain financial information publicly, as a rule I don't discuss it with anyone apart from David; however with this being a wedding blog and wanting to stay true to all aspects of the wedding process, I would like to address this matter as it pertains to our wedding. David and I are very happy, and looking forward to getting married, however the price is the most daunting part. Above all things I would like our wedding to be tasteful, and reflect who we are and above all, our love, unfortunately it seems as though anything in the category of weddings seems to have a 200 % mark up! If our finances were not as, restricted, as they are it would be much easier to make decisions and plan our wedding, but isn't that how it always is? That said David and I knew going into this that our wedding was up to us in a planning and financial respect and in some ways it was a blessing in disguise. It has given us both many opportunities to learn more about each other and fine tune what we want and to compromise. We started planning very early, with the understanding that the sooner we made the bigger wedding decisions the more time we would have to pay for everything.


Having finalized a majority of our wedding plans we sat down together at the beginning of August and calculated what we could actually afford for the wedding vs. what we needed to live. We added our monthly expenses (no extras, just basic bills, gas, food) and compared to what we made and, to put it gently, we realized our budget was much more slim that we initially thought. We have been experiencing a very lean year financially so we realized we needed to make about 30% more than we currently were in order to afford our wedding, or we would have to move our wedding date a year, and get married in 2013. If this were the case we decided we would accept it, after all it is only a year. We were very concerned about our situation, and a few people suggested to me to just go to City Hall, or have a 'Backyard BBQ' wedding. We discussed both and decided that neither was for us. We are having a very simple wedding to begin with, so regarding price the BBQ solution really wouldn't be much of a difference, and as far as City Hall is concerned, it just wasn't what we wanted. We wanted a wedding that was the celebration of our love, with the ones that we love in front of the Lord, not just a certificate from a Justice. I don't mean to sound elitist, I am anything but, however we have dreamed of this day and we became determined and felt that with a little more effort and dedication it could happen.


 When you know what you want and who you want to be with for the rest of your life, you just can't wait for the rest of your life to begin! We brainstormed about our economic situation, and in less than a month we were able to produce results. I was able to apply for, interview and secure a position in marketing that was a roughly a 38% increase from my previous salary! To add frosting to our blessings cake David did the same and has interviewed for two different positions (both more beneficial than his last!) and has received an offer from one and should hear from the other by the end of the week! We are so blessed and lucky to have our prayers answered and to have the fortitude and dedication to stay positive while we had these challenges. 


We have been very lucky to have people offer amazing suggestions, websites, vendors, how to cut costs, food ideas,etc. We are so appreciative of everyone that has had their own wedding experiences and is willing to share them with us so we can learn and grow. So many people have helped us in ways I couldn't even begin to express, even people I never expected have become so wonderful and made this process so positive. I am so grateful to everyone for continuing to be positive, the financial issue was not one I wanted to broadcast because I was concerned it was in poor taste; I would always prefer to focus on the positive and work on the less-than-positive. The forward-looking and helpful advice and feedback from others was such a saving grace! Too many times you hear about Bridezilla's and about just the gown or the location and the food. You don't hear about the financial challenge a wedding can be, and the obstacles that Brides and Grooms-to-be encounter. I always want to stay honest and true to the happenings of our wedding and the planning process. We found ourselves in a bind, and were so joyful to have the support net of love and encouragement around us, and as David pointed out earlier, "We're moving on up - Jefferson style!'' and so blessed to be!!!

...and we're are staying positive!!!

It seems as though with weddings, just like with everyday life there are people that are positive and support you, they wish you every kind of happiness and love; and on the other side of that, there are also naysayers. People that in one way or another cannot be pleased and have a lot negativity about each step of the process, and offer defiance. I would like to take the time and address and also thank both styles of people that are involved in various degrees with our wedding because positively or negatively everyone involved has had their own imprint on our wedding plans. 


I discussed the wedding early on with people close to me, and i would have to say I am blessed because 85% of the people were warm and encouraging. Friends told me that planning as early as possible was vital because then David and I could move forward and only have to worry about the financial payments for the vendors, decorations, clothing etc. Since I am a very organized person this appealed to me logically and it would also help to reduce stress as the wedding day approached. David and I looked at many magazines, websites and books and would note what we thought was tasteful and nice and what we disliked. Surprisingly we had very similar views, we didn't want anything frou-frou or over the top, but wanted it to be classic and beautiful. We were given a lot of heartfelt advice. We were told to plan a day that was for us, that represented our characters, and our love. I am so blessed that people were so kind and positive. When a different opinion was offered they were considered and at times employed. Some friends acted as a sounding board telling me that it was shaping up and offering encouragement and reminding me that this day was our day, and they could offer opinions but whatever choices we made was up to us and they would be behind those choices 150% of the way. At times that was the best advice I ever could have received. Having warm, kind and supportive friends is such a treasure. One of my bridesmaids even made the remark to me that she was so supportive of our choices that even if I chose an 80's themed wedding she would wear a big puffy dress in magenta if that was what we wanted. Did she really want to do that? No. But the wonderful part was that she was so encouraging and kind that I wasn't worried about negativity and she just wanted us to know she was there for us, all the way. There are 10 months left until our big day, and going forward I want to let the people that were such a pillar of strength for us, and such an asset through this exciting and challenging time to know how thankful we are to have them in our lives. David and I are lucky to have such great friends and family and too often I think that is overlooked by the challenges presented on a day-to-day basis. 


On the flip side of that thought, David and I have been met with a degree of challenges regarding people involved and conflicts in personality. The people that we chose to include in our wedding are people that we are confident will be included in our lives as we move forward. Be it clothing options, bridal showers, the venue or anything else, we have put a lot of consideration into our choices. Neither of us wants anyone to feel uncomfortable or to feel dis-included. However by the same token we appreciate when people understand that it does come down to our decisions and taste and that if we choose something in particular that they do not agree with, it is not a personal slight against them. When I have asked people's opinions about various things I am looking for feedback, if someone says for example 'That WON'T work' I would like to understand why, perhaps I am not seeing all sides of things, being met with arguments or disparaging remarks though is not the way to approach things. I initially chose bridesmaids gowns that were strapless, they were inexpensive and exactly what I had in mind. I was met with contempt from some, and suggestions why it wasn't ideal for others; currently I have chosen a long navy-blue bridesmaid gown. It is under $100, with a halter-style top and will work on a variety of shapes and sizes. I wanted the woman supporting me, both friends and family to be comfortable and feel beautiful, and it took about 8 dresses to get everyone on the same page. It was not what I initially wanted, but it was a compromise. I would rather bend than break. I wish that others could adopt a similar mantra, if only for the wedding. I am not demanding, I have not made a single request of the wedding party apart from asking them to view various things online and give honest (and preferably constructive vs. destructive) thoughts and opinions. My cousin is getting married this October, and as brides planning our weddings have compared notes and shared thoughts. She gave the best advice and told me that David and I are in a bubble of happiness and that it's important not to allow others to break that or bring negativity into it. I don't want negativity in our wedding, I don't want to be bullied or be met with snarky remarks that cause undue stress; and I especially do not want to remember my wedding planning was about conflict or biting remarks. I want the process to be wonderful, memorable and positive. I want to let people know that even if they feel compelled to say things that are hurtful and be negative about our wedding, it's okay. I am still thankful to them and their imprint on our wedding, because good or bad it has an effect of us, and if anything has inspired me to be all the more positive going forward. I am blessed to know and love all the people in our lives and our wedding and hope that going forward our positive outlook inspired others to bend instead of break. <3 

...and that is non-negotiable.

Since I met David Richards I have loved him, now that is not to say that I was necessarily 'in love' with him it means that I had a strong feeling of warm, personal attachment to him, as inexplicable as it was I just knew. I met David on a Friday in the autumn of 2008. I was working for a temp. agency and was paid weekly and went in to cash my check. For most people the most noticeable attribute of David's is his height. At just over 6 ft 4 in. he stands head and shoulders above others. For me the first thing I noticed was his eyes. David has the most striking warm deep chestnut colored eyes with the smallest flecks of gold and surrounded by a bold ring of deep brown. His smile is infectious and it draws you in and I remember immediately feeling at ease around him and comfortable. I felt I had known him for years it was so remarkable. I continued to cash my check each week on the same day at the same time and would look forward to my small conversations with David. On the rare occasions he wasn't there or I cashed my check on Thursdays it was such a disappointment because I really looked forward to seeing him. After a while we came to be friends, as we had friends in common and socialized with one another. David became a great friend to me in time, and was a pillar of strength for me when I was dealing with difficulties and challenges in my life. We developed a wonderful bond and one night we even stayed on the phone with one another for 5 1/2 hours!  

We started spending a lot of time together and we grew closer and closer as time went on. We had left the door open to the possibility of dating but were not rushing into anything. David and I had a heartfelt discussion one day and he suggested going with how we both felt and trying a relationship. It may sound silly but we had grown as friends so I think we were both worried that if we didn't work out as a couple how it might effect our strong friendship. In the early stages of our relationship it was exciting and new. It was so refreshing because a lot of men are very emotionally stunted and not as vocal about their feelings and David had no apprehension about expressing his emotions and being honest and straight-forward. We celebrated every month together with cards and little gifts for each other. It may seem corny but celebrating the little things was so important to both of us, because with each new month our feelings for one another grew and we fell in love with each other. When we have looked back at those first six months together and read the cards we exchanged we are able to see how excited we were and to see how our love and bond grew stronger all the time.  One time David surprised me with a room full of red balloons (something I have loved for years) and flower petals on the floor leading up to a heartfelt card expressing his love for me, I was so shocked and so surprised that I cried!

Being with David is like having a light suddenly turned on when you are stumbling around in the dark. I had always had this feeling since I was a kid that something was missing from my life, as though I wasn't good enough and if I tried harder and received the acceptance from my friends and family that I had always sought it would give me that feeling that I was whole and enough. Falling in love with David and loving him has given me that, because he was that missing piece. He inspires me every day and makes me want to be a better person. He is patient and understanding and being with David has helped me to become grateful for every dumb mistake I have ever made, every bad negative thing that happened my whole life leading me up to now has all been worth it because in it's own way fate lead me to David and being in love.  

I am excited about being engaged and getting married. I am excited that I will wear the beautiful gown that it took eight months to find, and walk down the isle in front of our families and friends as I join David in his handsome suit and exchange our vows to unite as one for the rest of our lives, and then dance and cut cake and enjoy our reception together. But in all honesty I would marry him in bare feet and pajamas with just the two of us if it came down to it and share a hostess cupcake afterwards. I know that some people are apprehensive about us marrying, and don't think we should and they have warned us about making sure our eyes are open, and about marriage being a serious commitment. Being in Love with someone is a serious commitment, it's like watching your heart live outside of your body for the rest of your life. It's natural to worry for those you love and many people have a hard time with the sting that comes with big changes. David and I have spent countless hours discussing our future together, what we want, and about our love and commitment for one another, after times when people have told us how serious marriage is,  I have offered to put the wedding out a year or longer and each time David tells me that he is certain and that is why he proposed. We even put the wedding date out 18 months because we both wanted time for planning and to not rush anything. We are both certain of our relationship and love, and certain about marriage. I love and respect all of our friends and family, and I would like others to love and respect the decisions we have made, because it is inevitably up to us as to the decisions regarding our future and our relationship. If you love one or both of us, please trust our decisions. Neither of us is ignorant or stupid and any decisions we have made have not been done lightly. Our Love for one another and future together are strong and profound, it is always growing and ever present, and that is non-negotiable. 

...and I found my fairy tale gown!

Not more than twenty minutes after posting my latest blog entry I checked my facebook and saw that my friend Madeline had suggested I check out Disney Bridal (Big thank you to Maddy!!) A couple of years ago I had poked around looking at the Kristie Kelly for Disney Bridal gowns. They were all beautiful and lovely but there was never just one that specifically appealed to me. I would like the waistline of one and the bust of another but there was never just the right one. I have been looking at David's Bridal but it seems their dresses are either too simplistic (I wanted a little panache! It is a wedding after all!) or was just too over the top and glamazon. 


I googled Disney Bridal and followed the link. A new designer did this year's collection, Alfred Angelo and it makes all the difference. I wanted to view all of the gowns (without seeing which fairy tale inspired them) and sure enough one of the first gowns I saw I fell in love with!! It's as the website says 'classic ballgown of tulle and glitter net over taffeta, inspired by Cinderella's glass slipper. The draped criss-cross bodice features a romantic sweetheart neckline accented with sparkling crystal beading and rhinestones.' It is in one word, breathtaking! I knew the moment I saw it. The ballgown was distributive yet had a flow to it, and the touch of glitter in it makes it look as though it twinkles. I adore the criss-cross bodice because the bridesmaids gown I chose has one as well and I love that there will some coordination to the gowns. There is no price on the website, which doesn't inspire confidence but it is everything I want my gown to be. I cannot express how thrilled I am to have found it. After assessing it critically next to my bridesmaid's gowns, David and I decided together that the bridesmaid's gowns would be more appropriate in a navy rather than a canary (which I am certain will be to the delight of my bridesmaids) and then I can have my lovely little flower girls wear a nice sunny color! It's wonderful and inspiring how everything seemed to just flow and fall into place once I found the right dress! I am so excited that I have found my fairy tale gown to marry my prince charming in!!! 


Just in case my gushing over the dress doesn't paint the picture...here it is:


http://www.disneybridal.com/details.html?category=bridalgowns&id=205

...and the search for the perfect gown is on!

Since David and I are just starting out, and financially handling our wedding expenses ourselves it is really important that we adhere to our strict budget. I am embracing a multitude of DIY projects for the big day and sifting through dozens of ideas cautiously so that the wedding is beautiful and elegant. I want the DIY price without the potentially tacky feel that some have. One of the most important aspects of the Big Day is (at least for me) the attire, and more specifically my wedding gown. I have never been the kind of woman that dresses provocatively, or wears revealing clothes, to be honest I don't even wear sleeveless shirts in the summer, there's almost always a cardigan involved. I have a very preppy style and am very conservative yet fashion conscience which is definitely going to reflect in wedding decisions but when it comes to my wedding gown I want to go that extra mile.

After pouring through wedding websites, magazines and consulting with former brides I am told that January - March is the best time to buy, there are a lot of sample sales, the David's Bridal $99 gown sale and it's just the right timing before my June wedding...but for now it's finding the right dress. I have always envisioned a ball gown style dress that flows, I want it strapless and flattering. I have been searching wedding websites for ideas for when I buy the dress and have come across some lovely selections but haven't found the 'one' yet. I came close until I found out that the particular style was only available online and it's very important for me to try the dress on before the big day. I don't want to commit to such a decision without knowing if it will look right. I believe that when I find the right dress I will just know, but it has yet to happen...

...and there's only 329 days to go!

It seems like just yesterday there was an endless amount of snow outside and David asked if I wanted to go to Callahan State Park for some sledding. It was the first day in more than a week that it wasn't snowing and even though it was bitter cold I was excited. It seems as though no matter how old you get, once you get on a sled you feel like your a kid again. That was the day that David got on one snow covered knee and asked me to share forever with him. I have known since I met David that he was The One, I had that instantaneous feeling that couldn't be explained. I trusted and cared for David immediately, and adored him. David is the kindest most sincere person I have ever known, he is honest to the core, intelligent and everything that is wonderful. 


The proposal was eight months ago, we wanted to get married in June, it's a beautiful month, not too hot or cold and everything is in bloom. Planning was tricky because the majority of my family has June birthdays! We knew that planning in six months was unrealistic so we gave ourselves eighteen months, everyone told me that I was planning too early to just relax and worry about everything later but that's not me. I am very organized, I have color coded and labeled since I was old enough to write, so staying on top of everything should be a breeze. By summer we had covered all of the basics. and then the logistics and added cost of a beach wedding became overwhelming. David and I regrouped and together with my sisters were able to brainstorm and smooth out some of the major wrinkles. Although we have attire, colors, the cake, the food, the where, when, who and how figured out now its the little details that are piling up. Invitations, decorations, certain costs. Since I am a planner and a bit of a perfectionist I have checklists in spades and have made every effort to address every aspect of the wedding, but slowly as I watch the daily ticker and realize we have less than a year, my nerves have started. I am not nervous about marrying David, there is nothing I am more confident and certain about, I am nervous about vendors, and the perfect execution. I have thought about my wedding day since I was three years old and put a pillow case over my hair, I only wish things were as simple now as they were then!