Traditionally I think it's in bad taste to discuss or announce certain financial information publicly, as a rule I don't discuss it with anyone apart from David; however with this being a wedding blog and wanting to stay true to all aspects of the wedding process, I would like to address this matter as it pertains to our wedding. David and I are very happy, and looking forward to getting married, however the price is the most daunting part. Above all things I would like our wedding to be tasteful, and reflect who we are and above all, our love, unfortunately it seems as though anything in the category of weddings seems to have a 200 % mark up! If our finances were not as, restricted, as they are it would be much easier to make decisions and plan our wedding, but isn't that how it always is? That said David and I knew going into this that our wedding was up to us in a planning and financial respect and in some ways it was a blessing in disguise. It has given us both many opportunities to learn more about each other and fine tune what we want and to compromise. We started planning very early, with the understanding that the sooner we made the bigger wedding decisions the more time we would have to pay for everything.
Having finalized a majority of our wedding plans we sat down together at the beginning of August and calculated what we could actually afford for the wedding vs. what we needed to live. We added our monthly expenses (no extras, just basic bills, gas, food) and compared to what we made and, to put it gently, we realized our budget was much more slim that we initially thought. We have been experiencing a very lean year financially so we realized we needed to make about 30% more than we currently were in order to afford our wedding, or we would have to move our wedding date a year, and get married in 2013. If this were the case we decided we would accept it, after all it is only a year. We were very concerned about our situation, and a few people suggested to me to just go to City Hall, or have a 'Backyard BBQ' wedding. We discussed both and decided that neither was for us. We are having a very simple wedding to begin with, so regarding price the BBQ solution really wouldn't be much of a difference, and as far as City Hall is concerned, it just wasn't what we wanted. We wanted a wedding that was the celebration of our love, with the ones that we love in front of the Lord, not just a certificate from a Justice. I don't mean to sound elitist, I am anything but, however we have dreamed of this day and we became determined and felt that with a little more effort and dedication it could happen.
When you know what you want and who you want to be with for the rest of your life, you just can't wait for the rest of your life to begin! We brainstormed about our economic situation, and in less than a month we were able to produce results. I was able to apply for, interview and secure a position in marketing that was a roughly a 38% increase from my previous salary! To add frosting to our blessings cake David did the same and has interviewed for two different positions (both more beneficial than his last!) and has received an offer from one and should hear from the other by the end of the week! We are so blessed and lucky to have our prayers answered and to have the fortitude and dedication to stay positive while we had these challenges.
We have been very lucky to have people offer amazing suggestions, websites, vendors, how to cut costs, food ideas,etc. We are so appreciative of everyone that has had their own wedding experiences and is willing to share them with us so we can learn and grow. So many people have helped us in ways I couldn't even begin to express, even people I never expected have become so wonderful and made this process so positive. I am so grateful to everyone for continuing to be positive, the financial issue was not one I wanted to broadcast because I was concerned it was in poor taste; I would always prefer to focus on the positive and work on the less-than-positive. The forward-looking and helpful advice and feedback from others was such a saving grace! Too many times you hear about Bridezilla's and about just the gown or the location and the food. You don't hear about the financial challenge a wedding can be, and the obstacles that Brides and Grooms-to-be encounter. I always want to stay honest and true to the happenings of our wedding and the planning process. We found ourselves in a bind, and were so joyful to have the support net of love and encouragement around us, and as David pointed out earlier, "We're moving on up - Jefferson style!'' and so blessed to be!!!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
...and we're are staying positive!!!
It seems as though with weddings, just like with everyday life there are people that are positive and support you, they wish you every kind of happiness and love; and on the other side of that, there are also naysayers. People that in one way or another cannot be pleased and have a lot negativity about each step of the process, and offer defiance. I would like to take the time and address and also thank both styles of people that are involved in various degrees with our wedding because positively or negatively everyone involved has had their own imprint on our wedding plans.
I discussed the wedding early on with people close to me, and i would have to say I am blessed because 85% of the people were warm and encouraging. Friends told me that planning as early as possible was vital because then David and I could move forward and only have to worry about the financial payments for the vendors, decorations, clothing etc. Since I am a very organized person this appealed to me logically and it would also help to reduce stress as the wedding day approached. David and I looked at many magazines, websites and books and would note what we thought was tasteful and nice and what we disliked. Surprisingly we had very similar views, we didn't want anything frou-frou or over the top, but wanted it to be classic and beautiful. We were given a lot of heartfelt advice. We were told to plan a day that was for us, that represented our characters, and our love. I am so blessed that people were so kind and positive. When a different opinion was offered they were considered and at times employed. Some friends acted as a sounding board telling me that it was shaping up and offering encouragement and reminding me that this day was our day, and they could offer opinions but whatever choices we made was up to us and they would be behind those choices 150% of the way. At times that was the best advice I ever could have received. Having warm, kind and supportive friends is such a treasure. One of my bridesmaids even made the remark to me that she was so supportive of our choices that even if I chose an 80's themed wedding she would wear a big puffy dress in magenta if that was what we wanted. Did she really want to do that? No. But the wonderful part was that she was so encouraging and kind that I wasn't worried about negativity and she just wanted us to know she was there for us, all the way. There are 10 months left until our big day, and going forward I want to let the people that were such a pillar of strength for us, and such an asset through this exciting and challenging time to know how thankful we are to have them in our lives. David and I are lucky to have such great friends and family and too often I think that is overlooked by the challenges presented on a day-to-day basis.
On the flip side of that thought, David and I have been met with a degree of challenges regarding people involved and conflicts in personality. The people that we chose to include in our wedding are people that we are confident will be included in our lives as we move forward. Be it clothing options, bridal showers, the venue or anything else, we have put a lot of consideration into our choices. Neither of us wants anyone to feel uncomfortable or to feel dis-included. However by the same token we appreciate when people understand that it does come down to our decisions and taste and that if we choose something in particular that they do not agree with, it is not a personal slight against them. When I have asked people's opinions about various things I am looking for feedback, if someone says for example 'That WON'T work' I would like to understand why, perhaps I am not seeing all sides of things, being met with arguments or disparaging remarks though is not the way to approach things. I initially chose bridesmaids gowns that were strapless, they were inexpensive and exactly what I had in mind. I was met with contempt from some, and suggestions why it wasn't ideal for others; currently I have chosen a long navy-blue bridesmaid gown. It is under $100, with a halter-style top and will work on a variety of shapes and sizes. I wanted the woman supporting me, both friends and family to be comfortable and feel beautiful, and it took about 8 dresses to get everyone on the same page. It was not what I initially wanted, but it was a compromise. I would rather bend than break. I wish that others could adopt a similar mantra, if only for the wedding. I am not demanding, I have not made a single request of the wedding party apart from asking them to view various things online and give honest (and preferably constructive vs. destructive) thoughts and opinions. My cousin is getting married this October, and as brides planning our weddings have compared notes and shared thoughts. She gave the best advice and told me that David and I are in a bubble of happiness and that it's important not to allow others to break that or bring negativity into it. I don't want negativity in our wedding, I don't want to be bullied or be met with snarky remarks that cause undue stress; and I especially do not want to remember my wedding planning was about conflict or biting remarks. I want the process to be wonderful, memorable and positive. I want to let people know that even if they feel compelled to say things that are hurtful and be negative about our wedding, it's okay. I am still thankful to them and their imprint on our wedding, because good or bad it has an effect of us, and if anything has inspired me to be all the more positive going forward. I am blessed to know and love all the people in our lives and our wedding and hope that going forward our positive outlook inspired others to bend instead of break. <3
I discussed the wedding early on with people close to me, and i would have to say I am blessed because 85% of the people were warm and encouraging. Friends told me that planning as early as possible was vital because then David and I could move forward and only have to worry about the financial payments for the vendors, decorations, clothing etc. Since I am a very organized person this appealed to me logically and it would also help to reduce stress as the wedding day approached. David and I looked at many magazines, websites and books and would note what we thought was tasteful and nice and what we disliked. Surprisingly we had very similar views, we didn't want anything frou-frou or over the top, but wanted it to be classic and beautiful. We were given a lot of heartfelt advice. We were told to plan a day that was for us, that represented our characters, and our love. I am so blessed that people were so kind and positive. When a different opinion was offered they were considered and at times employed. Some friends acted as a sounding board telling me that it was shaping up and offering encouragement and reminding me that this day was our day, and they could offer opinions but whatever choices we made was up to us and they would be behind those choices 150% of the way. At times that was the best advice I ever could have received. Having warm, kind and supportive friends is such a treasure. One of my bridesmaids even made the remark to me that she was so supportive of our choices that even if I chose an 80's themed wedding she would wear a big puffy dress in magenta if that was what we wanted. Did she really want to do that? No. But the wonderful part was that she was so encouraging and kind that I wasn't worried about negativity and she just wanted us to know she was there for us, all the way. There are 10 months left until our big day, and going forward I want to let the people that were such a pillar of strength for us, and such an asset through this exciting and challenging time to know how thankful we are to have them in our lives. David and I are lucky to have such great friends and family and too often I think that is overlooked by the challenges presented on a day-to-day basis.
On the flip side of that thought, David and I have been met with a degree of challenges regarding people involved and conflicts in personality. The people that we chose to include in our wedding are people that we are confident will be included in our lives as we move forward. Be it clothing options, bridal showers, the venue or anything else, we have put a lot of consideration into our choices. Neither of us wants anyone to feel uncomfortable or to feel dis-included. However by the same token we appreciate when people understand that it does come down to our decisions and taste and that if we choose something in particular that they do not agree with, it is not a personal slight against them. When I have asked people's opinions about various things I am looking for feedback, if someone says for example 'That WON'T work' I would like to understand why, perhaps I am not seeing all sides of things, being met with arguments or disparaging remarks though is not the way to approach things. I initially chose bridesmaids gowns that were strapless, they were inexpensive and exactly what I had in mind. I was met with contempt from some, and suggestions why it wasn't ideal for others; currently I have chosen a long navy-blue bridesmaid gown. It is under $100, with a halter-style top and will work on a variety of shapes and sizes. I wanted the woman supporting me, both friends and family to be comfortable and feel beautiful, and it took about 8 dresses to get everyone on the same page. It was not what I initially wanted, but it was a compromise. I would rather bend than break. I wish that others could adopt a similar mantra, if only for the wedding. I am not demanding, I have not made a single request of the wedding party apart from asking them to view various things online and give honest (and preferably constructive vs. destructive) thoughts and opinions. My cousin is getting married this October, and as brides planning our weddings have compared notes and shared thoughts. She gave the best advice and told me that David and I are in a bubble of happiness and that it's important not to allow others to break that or bring negativity into it. I don't want negativity in our wedding, I don't want to be bullied or be met with snarky remarks that cause undue stress; and I especially do not want to remember my wedding planning was about conflict or biting remarks. I want the process to be wonderful, memorable and positive. I want to let people know that even if they feel compelled to say things that are hurtful and be negative about our wedding, it's okay. I am still thankful to them and their imprint on our wedding, because good or bad it has an effect of us, and if anything has inspired me to be all the more positive going forward. I am blessed to know and love all the people in our lives and our wedding and hope that going forward our positive outlook inspired others to bend instead of break. <3
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